"That nose is unforgivable."

When I was in middle school, LiveJournal was very popular. There were these pages called Rating Communities, where people submitted photos of themselves to be rated, and the people who had already been admitted to the group voted yes or no on whether or not you were hot enough to then join the group to rate other people.

(Actually writing this for the first time makes me feel really sad for myself, because I realize now that it's such a pathetic and horrible premise. But as a shy preteen with a new digital camera, being accepted into one of these communities was all I wanted.)

The first time I got up the courage to submit my pictures, I was giddy with anticipation. 

Then soon, one by one, the "no's" flooded in. 

And the "nose." 

By that I mean, not only did people simply reject me, but many of them added comments, saying things like:

"That nose!!!"

"That girl needs rhinoplasty!"

"I would have said yes, but that nose is unforgivable."

Until then I had never realized that there was anything wrong with my nose. I had never really paid much attention to it. I actually think I kind of liked it. But after that, I hated my nose. For years. Every time I met someone new, I thought about them reacting to my nose. 

At the time, I thought that I got what I deserved. I believed it was my fault for putting myself out there, and that I was rightfully put in my place. How dare I try to join a beauty community with such a horrible nose?

But now, more than a decade later, I finally feel different. I don't fault myself for putting myself out there, because I was young and I was seeking validation.

When I look in the mirror, I am honest-to-god not bothered by my nose. I don't think I ever truly was, until insecure strangers on the internet who were also seeking validation told me I ought to be. The truth is, I don't really pay much attention to my nose. I actually think I kind of like it.