When I started dating my first boyfriend in 11th grade, I had been anorexic for roughly 4 years, and was trying to go into recovery.
In the midst of this, my boyfriend told me one day, “I’m glad you have an eating disorder, you could lose a few pounds.”
5 years later and 4 years into recovery, I still think of his comment any time I step on the scale and think about relapsing.
My mother, siblings and I were looking over my report card. I had finally gotten all A's and made the high honor roll! I was ecstatic, and I happily told my mom how proud I was of myself.
Her reply? "Finally. Seems like that's the only thing you're good for."
I told her that I thought I was a pretty good person, and I listed all the things about myself that I was proud of.
"Yeah, but you still don't pay any bills and you do nothing for the family," she said. "That makes you lazy and useless."
I was 14 then. I recently graduated from college, and on my graduation day, that was what kept buzzing around in my head. Lazy and useless. I'm the first in my family to graduate from college. But I still feel lazy and useless.
A few weeks ago, I was in a store, and I heard someone call my name. I turned and looked and saw a guy who I went to high school with, who was kind of a jerk to me back then. He was with his high school sweetheart, and he started making smalltalk with me, which surprised me, since we were never friends. He said, "It's nice to see you; I never see anyone from high school anymore."
Just hearing, "It's nice to see you," from this guy who used to be mean to me made me feel so good. It reminded me that people can change.
"Don't do that. People will judge." - My mom, sparking a lifetime of doubt and anxiety.
"Don't ever invite yourself to people's houses. It's rude, inconsiderate, and obnoxious." - My dad, causing me to constantly be afraid of accidentally inviting myself among friends, and thinking that being obnoxious is the worst social crime I could commit.
"I think you're just bored." - My mom, brushing aside an actually harmful addiction I had in high school, because it might hurt her reputation.
"Hey, I was a jerk before. I just wanted to apologize." - A bully from middle school apologizing to me in high school out of the blue, helping me keep faith that there's always good in humanity.
I was a sophomore in high school, in the second or third week of my relationship with my boyfriend at the time. Homecoming was just around the corner, and I was really excited about going with him.
But then he suddenly broke up with me and said he wanted to go with one of our classmates because, "She dresses hot."
I'd never thought anything about what I wore until that day. Now I'm extremely self conscious and picky about what I wear.
Towards the end of my junior year, I was wearing a skater skirt and tight crop top. Our school doesn't have AC and gets extremely hot near the end of the year, so I wore this a lot.
I was talking in art class with two of my girlfriends and three of our best guy friends. We were all chit chatting and laughing when the art teacher called me over to her desk and told me to think about what I wear next time, and that I was violating dress code because half an inch of my mid drift was showing and my skirt was too short. Even though the skirt was at finger tip length, which meets the school requirement on skirts.
She proceeded to say in a sarcastic and degrading way, "There's a reason five guys are standing around you right now." Even though it was three guys and they in no way ever even flirted with me. I was about to explode, so I walked away from her desk and sat and talked to my friends about it. They all were shocked and outraged. The teacher overheard us and then proceeded to talk about it loudly to the whole classroom, degrading my outfit.
My friend spoke up and said, "Stop sexualizing women's bodies."
Then the teacher tried to give me detention and keep me after class for the commotion SHE caused.
I went home bawling for two hours because I felt so awful and embarrassed. She never apologized. And I forever am worried about seeing her in the halls with whatever I wear.
When I was in high school, I was never really skinny or popular. I was a band geek who played the sousaphone, did shot put, and discussed homework. I usually kept to myself and life was good.
I remember being at home just kind of lounging, my homework was done and dinner was being made. My mom, dad, two older brothers and I sat down at the table to eat. I love food, so I went to grab a second helping, but my dad stopped me. He said, "Sweetie, you know, you'd be a knockout if you just dropped 25 pounds."
I wasn't a huge individual, I was around 145 at the time and I was roughly 5'6"-5'7". I thought I was fine, but apparently I wasn't according to my father.
He isn't a bad dad or person, he just goes about saying things like that the wrong way. I love my dad, but that statement has stuck with me for years. I was about 16-17 when this took place, and I'm now 29.
A few years ago, I started dating a guy. He was amazing in the beginning, and we stayed together for about six months.
After a little while, he started to become distant. I eventually managed to get him to confess that he kissed another girl. I gave him the opportunity to explain himself, but we ended up breaking things off.
During our last month together, I suffered a traumatic injury that prevented me from walking correctly, and gave me severe physical PTSD. I couldn't stand to be touched in the slightest, and the sounds of things crashing or hitting made me flinch and become anxious. The want for death to come was an impending thought I couldn't get rid of.
After he and I broke up, we ended up being paired together for projects in two of our classes. Even though his current girlfriend was against him even speaking to me, he slowly began to see my cracks, and eventually I told him about how I had nearly attempted suicide and how there were many times I wanted nothing more than to die. My grades had dropped dramatically, my attitude hardened, and I was almost a completely different person.
After I confided in him, he told me, "I missed you so much. And to even think I almost lost you forever, just hurts too much."
Those words struck me simply because I didn't believe at the time that I had anyone with me who cared. Even him, who stayed in the shadows and watched me get worse and worse.
It was one of the saddest and worst times because I knew deep down, he was the reason I almost died. But he's also the reason I'm still alive.
That's what stuck with me.
I dated a guy in high school for two years. He was manipulative and abusive, but I still stayed.
Towards the end of the relationship I was pushed and guilt tripped into doing things with him I wasn't completely comfortable with. About two weeks after we broke up after a really nasty altercation in the hallway at school, he begged me to come over so we could talk, so I did. He drugged and raped me. I felt all of it, but I couldn't move.
Two days later, he and his mom moved away without a trace. Only a few people knew where he had gone. I stayed quiet about it, but finally broke down to a really close guy friend of mine. I will never forget how he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Well? Can you blame him? I would, too! I've thought about it a few times myself."
We dated for a few months in high school, and a few years later we attempted to rekindle. He and I met up and talked for hours then later kissed that night.
We never really ended on bad terms, but during our rekindling period, which went on for a few months, we were hanging out by ourselves and I didn't want to do anything with him because I was worried, and told him, "I am scared this is all just going to end after we hook up and that you'll go back to your other ex." He reassured me and said, "That's not going to happen." So we proceeded to keep going that night.
A few weeks later, he is now back with his ex and I just feel broken for not following my gut instinct.
Has anyone ever made a fleeting comment about you that immediately became tattooed onto the front of your brain for all of eternity, impacting your self-perception and self-worth? Whether it was an offhand comment made by someone you love and respect or a fleeting declaration by someone you barely know, we share the moments that stick.
