"Big arms."

When I was 15, a guy told me I had big arms.

I'm now 22 and still won't wear tank tops or anything with very short sleeves.

"That's a perfectly acceptable thing for her to say"

My group of middle school girlfriends consisted of five of us total. The other four would often pair up against me in subtle but intentional ways, like ordering two Caesar salads at Cheesecake Factory for each pair to split while laughing at the fact that I was left out.

One day the five of us were hanging out with my longtime childhood friend who went to a different school, and we were all joking about how we wanted to violate all of the school rules on the last day of middle school, because there would be no consequences.

One of them joked that she'd wear a spaghetti strap tank top with her bra straps showing. Another said that she'd wear a miniskirt. I chimed in and said that I would wear like three hats.

There was an awkward silence and they all stared at me.

One of them said, "Ummm....ok..."

My childhood friend immediately reacted to this. "Whoa, why are you acting like that to her? Hats are also not allowed in school. That's a perfectly acceptable thing for her to say."

My friends didn't know how to react. They had never encountered someone standing up for me, since I had never done it myself.

It took this simple declaration from my old friend to really put into perspective how unfairly my middle school friends treated me for no reason.

Once we got to high school, we all parted ways.

"You smell musty"

My mom got heavily involved in drugs when I was growing up, and I often had to fend for myself.

When I was in 9th grade, she took off and left for 3 weeks while I was at school one day. I was home alone for that time. The power and my cell phone got shut off during that time. I didn't tell anyone, I just kept going to school. I thought I was doing okay on my own until one of my friends told me I smelled musty. I wore wet clothes to school because I couldn't dry them.

It was the first time that I realized that it was obvious I wasn't put together. The guidance counselor pulled me into the office and asked me where my parents were and why I was losing weight. I couldn't tell anyone that I ran out of food and my mom left me no money.

I am grown now with a family of my own, but I still think back to that day. I know my son will never have to endure those feelings, but I can't help but feel terrified that there's a chance.

Virgin Mary

I've been sensitive and insecure for as long as I can remember. But I didn't know how sensitive and insecure I was until someone pointed out a flaw I didn't know I had. 

I was what they would call a "church girl." I went to as many church functions as possible and I absolutely loved my church family. I also had one simple promise I made to myself that meant a lot to me. I was going to stay a virgin until the night of my wedding. 

I had no idea that over half of the world did not share the same thing with me. I thought it was so common to be a virgin.

Until one day it started to be something that was used as an insult against me. I got called things like "Virgin Mary," "prude," "chastity belt". 

Being a virgin was no longer something to be proud of. It was just another thing for me to hate about myself. 

"You could die for all I care"

It was my sophomore year in high school. I was a cheerleader, I had the best of friends in the world and my grades were awesome. What could possibly make this year anything less than awesome? How naive I was.

About halfway through the year, my best friend and I got into a huge fight. So bad that it made me contemplate suicide.

When someone tells you, "You could die for all I care," you start to think about things in a different light.

After our falling out, my life starting to change drastically. I started to see myself differently. I hated so many things about myself. I started to notice how big my nose was. How my bottom teeth are crooked. How my stomach isn't flat. How thin and brittle my hair was. I started to pick apart all these things that I hated about myself all of a sudden. All because someone who I thought loved me told me she wouldn't care if I was dead.

I am now 21. That girl and I are no longer friends. And I no longer let what people say about me get to me. Because I love myself and that's all that matters.

Loser.

I was in high school and we were on our way to a volleyball game. I turned to one of the gals on my team and ask if I could have her number in case of practice changes etc. She told me she doesn't give her number to losers. I didn't talk to anyone else the rest of the night.

"Too fat"

I was an active fifth grade girl. Average build and outgoing. One day at the pool an older boy told me I was too fat for a bikini.

For the next five years I wore suits that covered my stomach and wouldn't show a lot of skin. I still have self image issues.

It didn't help throughout high school, my "BFF" would tell me that they needed to remodel the school to fit my fat ass. She would tell me to stop eating and poke my stomach.

I look back at my high school pictures and wonder how no one noticed how sickly I looked.

Not good enough

Senior year of high school I was placed in an AP English class despite my documented learning disorder specifically about my writing skills.

When I tried to inform the teachers of the accommodation that were suppose to be provided for me, she didn't believe me.

The first essay we wrote in class, I was not given the extended time I needed. When she had finished grading them and returned them, I was told the essay I had written "Was not equivalent to that of a high school level work."

I was not provided the necessary accommodations for the first quarter of the school year, and even when I was informed that I had the highest SAT score of my schools graduating class, the thing that still brings me to tears is the grade of my first essay senior year. Because it's something that I have struggled with for years, and to this day I still doubt everything I write.

"Are you manic?"

A competitive high school acquaintance asked me this very bluntly, and in a very cutting way.

It was one of the first times I realized that my depression was apparent on the outside.

These words still echo in my head any time I hit a really high high, or a really low low.

I don't even think she'd remember asking me that, but it's one of the cruelest things anyone has ever said to me.

One time when I was in high school my mother and I were talking about sex. My boyfriend at the time was an Evangelical Christian and because I loved him I had started to become one too. My mother kept trying to bring up sex and I kept laughing, insisting that we weren’t having sex - we weren’t - and to close the subject for good I told her that I was saving myself for marriage. She was stunned. She said, “But what if you’ve waited all that time and it’s bad?”

Always ready with Evangelical sound bites, I said, “If I have nothing to compare it to, how will I know?” I smiled. My mother looked me in the eyes, her face deadpan.

“You’ll know.”