When I was about 12, my mom and I were driving to a school event, and I told her I was scared and nervous.
I will never forget her turning around and saying, "You have too many problems. You're always complaining or crying. It would have been easier to have had another boy than you."
At that time I had bad depression and anxiety that she did not know about, and that still makes me upset to this day.
When I was five years old, I was sitting in my kindergarten classroom with a group of friends during coloring time. I remember we were discussing things like boyfriends, girlfriends and marriage - you know, the usual.
I must have made a comment in regards to myself growing up and getting married, since I assumed everyone got married when they reached a certain age. The little boy sitting next to me stopped dead in his tracks, looked me in the eyes and said, “But nobody will ever want to marry you because...you’re black.”
I went home that night and must have been pretty upset because the next day my mom met with my teacher and the parent of the little boy who had made the comment.
He was made to apologize and of course life carried on. And even though now, 20 years later, I know people have said many things a thousand times more hurtful to me, that particular moment has always stuck with me.
When I was 13, my mom died of AIDS in my arms.
When I went to console my crying aunt - even though I was torn apart myself - my aunt looked at me and said, "It should've been you."
I will never forget how I felt. I will never forget those words.
From an early age, I've struggled with self harm and mutilation.
One day when I was swimming, I ran into a guy who I hadn't seen in ten years. The last time he saw me, I wore shorts a lot. I had not started mutilating and my legs were "normal."
When I ran into him, I was wearing a bathing suit, which revealed that my legs now have more scars than skin.
He looked at me and said, "You've fucking destroyed yourself."
I will never forget that sentence for as long as I live.
All my life, I knew that I didn't have the same religious beliefs my family had, but they never made it an issue.
Then one day in history class we were talking about different religions. When it came time to talk about atheism, I spoke up and shared my experience.
My teacher got mad and told me, "If you don't believe in God, you're not going to get anywhere in life."
It really hurt. I left school and stayed home for the rest of the week.
I was talking to this guy online for a few months. He always listened to what I had to say and let me vent, and he always responded when I messaged him. I told him about my love life and about school, and I sent him pictures of myself (nothing graphic).
Then one day we got into an argument, and he completely turned on me. He used everything I had shared with him against me. He twisted my own words around and used them to hurt me. He said:
"You think because you are overweight you are worthless, so you will sleep with anything, male or female, and think it's cool. But no one will ever bring you home to meet mom and dad. You will always just be some piece in the backseat."
This was four or five years ago, but I still remember word for word what he said. I memorized it.
When I was thirteen, I was raped, and both of my breasts were severely mutilated. I had to have a partial mastectomy because of it.
Eleven years later, my husband saw me in the nude for the first time on our wedding night. I had never told him of the trauma I endured for fear that he might not want me anymore.
His reaction was the opposite of what I expected.
He kissed every scar with tenderness I didn't even know existed, and he said to me, "These scars only give your stretch marks something to gossip about. Your breasts are perfect."
That was the moment I truly fell in love with him.
When I was 15, I overheard my mom talking to my stepdad about me. She said, "She's a fat ass and needs to get off the couch."
I'm 19 now, and have lost almost 100 pounds. But her words still hurt. Every time I see myself in the mirror, I never feel like I'm skinny enough.
I love baking, and I usually try to bring whatever I bake to work or so I don't end up eating all of it. People are always very appreciative, and I always try to be as creative as possible and outdo my last confection.
It was Easter, and I didn't have time to bake like I usually do, but someone else had brought in some really cute chocolate pretzel bites with pastel M&Ms. I asked my coworker if she knew who brought them, and she said, "Oh, I thought you did because they are bright and colorful, like you!"
I think that low-key changed my life. It certainly finally gave me the confidence to color my hair purple, which I have always wanted to do, but until then had made due with a bright auburn.
This was last year, and I still think about it with pride when I get dressed or look in the mirror or pick out something colorful to wear or buy.
My mom once told me that before I was born, my paternal aunt wrote her a letter saying that because I was conceived out of wedlock, I was not loved by Jesus and "would ultimately be doomed to hell."
I don't actually believe in heaven or hell, but it's still not very comforting to find out that one of my close family members feels this way about me.
I wish my mom had kept this story to herself.
Has anyone ever made a fleeting comment about you that immediately became tattooed onto the front of your brain for all of eternity, impacting your self-perception and self-worth? Whether it was an offhand comment made by someone you love and respect or a fleeting declaration by someone you barely know, we share the moments that stick.
