My boyfriend and I got into a fight one night, and I really thought it was the end for us. Once the heat of the argument settled, I told him that I loved him, even if he didn't love me back. His response?
"The problem is, I do love you. You just suck."
A few years ago, I started dating a guy. He was amazing in the beginning, and we stayed together for about six months.
After a little while, he started to become distant. I eventually managed to get him to confess that he kissed another girl. I gave him the opportunity to explain himself, but we ended up breaking things off.
During our last month together, I suffered a traumatic injury that prevented me from walking correctly, and gave me severe physical PTSD. I couldn't stand to be touched in the slightest, and the sounds of things crashing or hitting made me flinch and become anxious. The want for death to come was an impending thought I couldn't get rid of.
After he and I broke up, we ended up being paired together for projects in two of our classes. Even though his current girlfriend was against him even speaking to me, he slowly began to see my cracks, and eventually I told him about how I had nearly attempted suicide and how there were many times I wanted nothing more than to die. My grades had dropped dramatically, my attitude hardened, and I was almost a completely different person.
After I confided in him, he told me, "I missed you so much. And to even think I almost lost you forever, just hurts too much."
Those words struck me simply because I didn't believe at the time that I had anyone with me who cared. Even him, who stayed in the shadows and watched me get worse and worse.
It was one of the saddest and worst times because I knew deep down, he was the reason I almost died. But he's also the reason I'm still alive.
That's what stuck with me.
I dated a guy in high school for two years. He was manipulative and abusive, but I still stayed.
Towards the end of the relationship I was pushed and guilt tripped into doing things with him I wasn't completely comfortable with. About two weeks after we broke up after a really nasty altercation in the hallway at school, he begged me to come over so we could talk, so I did. He drugged and raped me. I felt all of it, but I couldn't move.
Two days later, he and his mom moved away without a trace. Only a few people knew where he had gone. I stayed quiet about it, but finally broke down to a really close guy friend of mine. I will never forget how he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Well? Can you blame him? I would, too! I've thought about it a few times myself."
We dated for a few months in high school, and a few years later we attempted to rekindle. He and I met up and talked for hours then later kissed that night.
We never really ended on bad terms, but during our rekindling period, which went on for a few months, we were hanging out by ourselves and I didn't want to do anything with him because I was worried, and told him, "I am scared this is all just going to end after we hook up and that you'll go back to your other ex." He reassured me and said, "That's not going to happen." So we proceeded to keep going that night.
A few weeks later, he is now back with his ex and I just feel broken for not following my gut instinct.
My mother has said plenty of hurtful things to me, but the thing she says most is that I'm selfish. This hurts because I try so hard to respect my parents and not to ask too much of them.
One day my mom and I were having a talk, and this topic came up. I finally stood up for myself. I outlined exactly why it hurt me when she said that, and I asked her to try to be more conscious of what she says in that regard. Her reply was only:
"Oh honey, you can't help it. All young people are selfish. It's not your fault that you're self-centered."
She didn't apologize, and she never will. It made me realize that I'll never be able to change her mind, and she'll always just see me as a selfish brat who will never appreciate what she does for me.
My two friends and I all live in a dorm together. One day we were all hanging out and joking around like we usually do, and one of my friends suggested we should probably start our homework soon.
My other friend replied, "Yeah, but I can't get any work done with the distraction in here." She looked at me and laughed, meaning it as a joke.
I have severe ADHD, and do often get off topic and distracted. I understand why it's hard to concentrate with me in the room. But it only affirmed the message I have been getting my whole life: that while I may be fun to hang out with, I'm not useful when real work needs to get done. I'm not serious. I don't belong in an intellectual environment. I'm not smart. I don't work hard. I only distract people from the things that are actually important.
I was a pretty awkward middle schooler. I was shy, un-athletic, and didn't have many friends, so I mostly pretended to sleep on the hour long bus rides home. One day in 6th grade I had to "sleep" near the back of the bus where the cool boys from my grade were sitting, flirting with my older sister.
They were complimenting her when one said "Your sister is so ugly. She'll never be as pretty as you." The other one emphatically agreed. My sister just sat there.
It's been 18 years and I can count on one hand the number of times I thought I was pretty.
When I started my big corporate media job, I was so excited to show off my creative skills for a huge audience. A few months into the job, I was pretty much killing it and receiving great feedback along with my male counterpart, M, of the same job title.
Yearly reviews came around and I cooly asked M if he’d feel comfortable telling me his salary so I could get a sense of how I should negotiate a well-deserved raise. He cautiously gave me an inexact roundabout number around his yearly compensation and my jaw hit the floor. M was making about $50k more than I was for the same work, same amount of experience, same job title, and same amount of time at the company. I was enraged.
I took my concern to the head of the department, who fairly heard me out, but ended our conversation with, “It is perceived that M is worth more than you are.”
Luckily, HR did not agree with my sexist boss.
When I was entering puberty, a man brutalized me. When I told my mother, she said that I'd better get used to it, because in our society, "anytime there's a disagreement between a man and a woman, it is always the woman's fault."
She listed examples like rape and domestic violence, and literally told me, "the faster you get used to it, the better." I argued with her, but she told me to pay attention every time there was a serious issue in people's relationships to see how it turned out.
I hung on to her words and swore to myself that I'd find a situation in which this wasn't true, and show her that the world isn't that dark.
I'm nearly 30 now. I'm a domestic abuse survivor from an ex, and I've been raped multiple times in my life. Recovering led to me specializing in rape and domestic violence as a health care professional, thus I see a lot of serious cases and am involved in many court battles.
To this day, I'm still waiting for that one example when it isn't socially deemed the woman's fault so I can tell my mother that she was wrong.
My cousin Traci is a transgender girl who has been ostracized by many of her immediate family members.
One day, my 95-year-old great grandma and I were shopping at the pharmacy. We were in the card aisle and she said, "I forgot to get Traci a card for her birthday!"
She walked right over to the "female cards" and picked out the pinkest, frilliest card possible. She handed it to me and said, "Well that's perfect! I think she'll love it."
My great grandma is so much more understanding than Traci's parents are, and this interaction made me tear up a bit.
I love my great grandma.
Has anyone ever made a fleeting comment about you that immediately became tattooed onto the front of your brain for all of eternity, impacting your self-perception and self-worth? Whether it was an offhand comment made by someone you love and respect or a fleeting declaration by someone you barely know, we share the moments that stick.
