I was cuddling with my boyfriend one day, and he wanted to get intimate but I didn't. He told me to just give it a go, and he pushed my hands onto his privates. Every time I moved my hand away, he held it back there. Eventually I gave in.
Later, he asked, "So did you enjoy what we did earlier? Even though you didn't really want to?"
I was stunned. He knew I didn't want to, yet he still made me do it.
When I was 13, I stole some Halloween candy from the bowl before trick-or-treaters showed up, even though my mom told me not to. She found out and became very angry and told me I'd get diabetes.
She sent me to my room, and as I was walking up the stairs, she yelled, "I hope you have a heart attack! And you can sit in your room and rot."
I've never forgotten that.
During my entire pregnancy, I planned for a smooth and natural birth. But when I went into labor, I was having full blown contractions and not dilating. So I had to have an emergency C-section, which ended up saving my son's life, since the umbilical cord was wrapped around his throat four times.
After hours of pain, I posted on Facebook that my son had arrived and that I had an unplanned C-section. One woman responded with, "You got off easy, bitch. You're not a real mother until you give birth like a real woman."
She had no idea how much pain I went through for that surgery to save my son's life. And now, a year later, I can barely walk because they accidentally hit a nerve on my back during the spinal block. Yet to this day, I feel like I've failed as a mother for not giving birth like a "real woman."
When I was in middle school, I was the awkward kid who was constantly picked on for things like my name and how I dressed. One day on my walk to class (which always felt like a battlefield because people shot me with teasing words) a group of girls started laughing at me and commenting on my shoes.
Later on in class, one of the most popular guys in school came up to me and said, "You know they're jealous of you because you are ten times prettier than they are."
At that point I thought I was hallucinating. I couldn't believe that someone like him would even talk to me, let alone compliment me.
He continued, "Don't let it get to you. One day they'll be begging you to be their friend."
His words honestly changed my entire perspective on myself and the reason I was always called out.
When I was thirteen, my friend sent me a text telling me that she loved me for everything I've ever done for her, then sent me a voice memo saying, "You were the best person I've ever met, but I wish you had been more observant and noticed my scars. I'm sorry about this, you treated me amazingly well." And then she committed suicide.
I'm sixteen now, and I can't ever take those words out of my head when I see scars on someone else. To this day, I'm much more observant and open eyed to everyone.
When I was 18, I moved a few states away from home to be with my boyfriend. Four years later, my dad was sick in the hospital. I flew home to be with him, and he passed away days later.
I returned home to my boyfriend, and we started arguing about something stupid. He looked at me and said, "I was going to break up with you before your dad died, but then I didn't know what to do with you, so I just stayed."
I felt my heart break a second time, and have never felt such pain from someone I loved saying something so awful.
We broke up soon after, and I have never been happier.
But those words still echo in my mind when I think about my dad.
I was in a bad marriage, had a small child and suffered back to back miscarriages. I was also battling depression and really had no one to turn to.
One day, I saw an email to my husband from his mother stating that I was a terrible role model for our daughter.
This completely crushed me.
I somehow found the courage to end the marriage, which really helped the depression. I went back to school and got my degree (which my ex never finished). And I have stood by my child as she has battled mental health issues, without her dad.
I try so hard to support my child in every way possible, yet I will never forget that email.
I've always struggled with suicidal thoughts, and acted on a few.
I finally opened up to someone close to me about it. I explained to him that I wasn't feeling very okay.
Soon after, he called me just to say, "Thank you for existing."
When I was 20, I learned from my stepfather that my mom had an abortion when I was two. Shortly after I found out, I confronted her about it.
What she said will ring clearly in my mind until the day I die:
"Well, I certainly wasn't going to make that mistake twice!"
Even though I was raised with the idea that I could do anything, and my parents both encouraged me to be a feminist, they sometimes say things that reveal the limits of their progressive thinking.
In the last few years, I have become more vocal about my differences, and they seem to equate disagreement with disrespect. Especially my father. When I have disagreed with him on certain topics, particularly relating to women, he gets kind of nasty and lashes out with hurtful comments.
Recently, I was visiting home with my significant other, whom my parents both adore. We were all coming home from a movie, when my dad brought up a male celebrity's alleged abuse of his wife, also a celebrity. My dad's take was that the woman was "crazy," and the man had been cleared of all accusations. Having followed this story since the news first broke, I disagreed with my father, stating some of the details that my father admitted he did not know, and while certain accusations had been proven untrue, others remained that indicated a violent history. My dad's response?
"Oh that's right - I forgot you were a man-hater."
It wasn't the words that cut me; it was the tone. It was at once wholly dismissive and casual, yet vicious and angry. All over some f*cking actor he doesn't know much about.
He apologized, but only for the word choice, not for the meaning behind the words.
Has anyone ever made a fleeting comment about you that immediately became tattooed onto the front of your brain for all of eternity, impacting your self-perception and self-worth? Whether it was an offhand comment made by someone you love and respect or a fleeting declaration by someone you barely know, we share the moments that stick.
