After my boyfriend sexually assaulted me and came inside me without my consent, I tried to let it go and make excuses for him.
A few weeks later, we took a trip out of town and stayed at a hotel. I felt really nauseous, so I stayed in the hotel for 3 days.
One night, he told me, "I'd rather kill myself than spend an hour with you."
Not long after, I found out I was pregnant. I got an abortion.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for four years of my young adult life.
One particularly rough day at the beginning of the relationship, my boyfriend said something that cut very deep, bringing me to tears.
As I sat on the couch crying, he stood in the doorway and stared me down, completely infuriated.
He said, "What's wrong with you?! This is over if you don't stop crying."
After graduating from high school at 18, I fell into a life of drugs and alcohol. I wanted to get clean, so I went to my grandmother's house. Our relationship wasn't great, but she had offered me a place to stay if I was ever in need. Strung out on meth and cocaine, I called her numerous times on the way to her house, but she didn't answer. Once I arrived at her house, she didn't answer the door. The police showed up and told me to get off the property.
That night I slept at the bus stop around the corner from her house. I slept in the snow.
The next morning I called my uncle who lived in another state, begging for help. All he did was give me my father's phone number. My only memory of my father was him locking me in the closet while he beat my mother. When I got ahold of him, he said, "Don't you get the point? I didn't want you then, and I don't want you now."
I went back to my mother's house, who started crying when she saw what I had become. She helped me get off the drugs and back on my feet.
I am now 20 years old and two years clean. I have two jobs and am in college online. I've met an amazing guy who has a similar history and is three years clean. My mom and I have an amazing relationship.
What stuck with me wasn't all the horrible things that were said to me over the years. It's what my boyfriend and mom tell me every day.
"You're beautiful and amazing."
"Thank you for being sober."
"You made it."
No matter how much my family screwed me over, I made it!
I was cuddling with my boyfriend one day, and he wanted to get intimate but I didn't. He told me to just give it a go, and he pushed my hands onto his privates. Every time I moved my hand away, he held it back there. Eventually I gave in.
Later, he asked, "So did you enjoy what we did earlier? Even though you didn't really want to?"
I was stunned. He knew I didn't want to, yet he still made me do it.
When I was 18, I moved a few states away from home to be with my boyfriend. Four years later, my dad was sick in the hospital. I flew home to be with him, and he passed away days later.
I returned home to my boyfriend, and we started arguing about something stupid. He looked at me and said, "I was going to break up with you before your dad died, but then I didn't know what to do with you, so I just stayed."
I felt my heart break a second time, and have never felt such pain from someone I loved saying something so awful.
We broke up soon after, and I have never been happier.
But those words still echo in my mind when I think about my dad.
During a fight, I told my boyfriend of five years that I was willing to marry him.
He replied with, "I never loved you. I was just waiting for someone better to come along."
My ex-boyfriend, who I dated for almost five years, told me, "You're never going to do anything with your life except flip burgers at some fast food joint."
Now I'm in college, getting my degree in cosmetology. I think about his words every day. They motivate me to do my best in all of my classes.
The day my husband told me he was no longer in love with me, I asked why he had waited so long to admit it.
He said, "Because without me, you'll be alone, and I don't want you to be alone."
Ever since that night, I have made every effort to be okay with just my son and me. But those words still ring in my ears in the middle of the night when I am alone.
When I was in high school I suffered from bulimia. I decided to make a PSA on YouTube explaining the dangers of bulimia so no one would suffer the way I did.
One of the first comments I got was: "Clearly you suck at this disease because you're fat as fuck. You will never get married. You will never have children. Until you drop 30 pounds people will always be laughing behind your fat ass!"
I deleted the video that same night, but the comments still stayed burned in my brain.
Fast forward to a year later. I told my new boyfriend about my eating disorder and this was what he said to me:
"Well, no offense, but do you plan on losing any more weight? Because I like my women skinny."
Two days later, he raped me in my own house. I got pregnant by him and had a miscarriage. I starved myself to stay skinny for him only to find out he cheated on me with several other girls on campus. I stayed with him for almost five months because after reading that one YouTube comment, I wholeheartedly believed no one else would want to date my fat ass. I stayed with him for as long as I did because I knew I couldn't do any better.
That was five years ago. For the most part, I'm recovered, and I'm dating someone I've been good friends with for the last few years. He treats me better than I've ever known and tells me I'm sexy every single day. Some days I have a hard time believing him, and some days I think I don't deserve his love because of how I look. And some days I still blame myself for publishing that video knowing how cruel people on the internet can be.
I started dating my now-fiancé when I was 16, and his mother hated me from the start. She has said many hurtful things over the years, but one in particular sticks with me. We were barbecuing at my fiancé's house, and he went inside to help his dad, leaving me alone outside with his mom.
Ever since I told her that I'm agnostic, she's always gone on about how I'm going to hell. But that night she brought up children and baptism. I told her that I would not be baptizing my child because I believe it's a choice to be left up to them.
She put her hand on mine and said, "You won't be there, but I'm going to make sure my grandbaby isn't going to hell, too."
I never told my fiancé what his mother said, but it makes me scared to have children.
Has anyone ever made a fleeting comment about you that immediately became tattooed onto the front of your brain for all of eternity, impacting your self-perception and self-worth? Whether it was an offhand comment made by someone you love and respect or a fleeting declaration by someone you barely know, we share the moments that stick.
