"You are not smart or pretty enough."

Growing up, my teachers were the root of my low self-esteem. I was dyslexic, and they would actually make fun of me in front of other students. 

I wanted to try out for a public speaking organization, but as soon as I stood up, one of my teachers told me, "You are not smart or pretty enough to compete in public speaking. You need to go back to your seat and sit quietly while the students who actually have a shot at winning try out. Try losing 10 pounds, learn how to do your makeup and get rid of that lisp then we can talk." 

Everyone laughed including the 2 other teachers in the room, while I was forced to sit in the back of class and wait until tryouts were over. 

When my mom asked how it went, I lied and told here it went well and that I might actually make it. I didn't want her to be sad. I was 11 years old.

"Very few people impress me..."

During my first busy night as a server, my cook told me that he didn't think I could handle the bad section, much less the good. I calmly tried to assure him that I'm great at my job, and that if he didn't agree then he should send me home.

This convinced him to give me the busy section, and I quickly got slammed. I was working really hard and handling it well, but as a server people seldom notice the extra effort you put in. I was doubting myself, I was nervous, and I was starting to worry that the cook was right, that I couldn't handle it. 

Then a very beautiful woman who I had been serving handed me $10 and a note that read, "Very few people impress me, but you've done just that. Thank you for your AMAZING service." 

I lost the note in the chaos before I got to take a picture of it, but I want her to know how much that meant to me. I would love to find her. She gave me confidence to do my job and the realization that I really can do anything I put my mind to, even if it's serving 12 tables at once all across the restaurant. That woman made my night and possibly my career. 

Thank you, kind stranger. Your words are forever in my mind and heart. You've made a young lady feel very happy, warm, and above all, appreciated and confident. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

Much love, 

Your Waffle House server.

"He's such a nice boy."

When I told my favorite teacher that another student in our class had raped me, her response was, and I quote, "Oh, Jason*? That doesn't seem like something he would do. He's such a nice boy." 

*Names have been changed.
 

"You're not a real mother."

During my entire pregnancy, I planned for a smooth and natural birth. But when I went into labor, I was having full blown contractions and not dilating. So I had to have an emergency C-section, which ended up saving my son's life, since the umbilical cord was wrapped around his throat four times. 

After hours of pain, I posted on Facebook that my son had arrived and that I had an unplanned C-section. One woman responded with, "You got off easy, bitch. You're not a real mother until you give birth like a real woman." 

She had no idea how much pain I went through for that surgery to save my son's life. And now, a year later, I can barely walk because they accidentally hit a nerve on my back during the spinal block. Yet to this day, I feel like I've failed as a mother for not giving birth like a "real woman." 
 

"Don't let it get to you."

When I was in middle school, I was the awkward kid who was constantly picked on for things like my name and how I dressed. One day on my walk to class (which always felt like a battlefield because people shot me with teasing words) a group of girls started laughing at me and commenting on my shoes.

Later on in class, one of the most popular guys in school came up to me and said, "You know they're jealous of you because you are ten times prettier than they are." 

At that point I thought I was hallucinating. I couldn't believe that someone like him would even talk to me, let alone compliment me. 

He continued, "Don't let it get to you. One day they'll be begging you to be their friend."

His words honestly changed my entire perspective on myself and the reason I was always called out. 
 

Mistake

When I was 20, I learned from my stepfather that my mom had an abortion when I was two. Shortly after I found out, I confronted her about it. 

What she said will ring clearly in my mind until the day I die:

"Well, I certainly wasn't going to make that mistake twice!"
 

"I forgot you were a man-hater."

Even though I was raised with the idea that I could do anything, and my parents both encouraged me to be a feminist, they sometimes say things that reveal the limits of their progressive thinking. 

In the last few years, I have become more vocal about my differences, and they seem to equate disagreement with disrespect. Especially my father. When I have disagreed with him on certain topics, particularly relating to women, he gets kind of nasty and lashes out with hurtful comments.

Recently, I was visiting home with my significant other, whom my parents both adore. We were all coming home from a movie, when my dad brought up a male celebrity's alleged abuse of his wife, also a celebrity. My dad's take was that the woman was "crazy," and the man had been cleared of all accusations. Having followed this story since the news first broke, I disagreed with my father, stating some of the details that my father admitted he did not know, and while certain accusations had been proven untrue, others remained that indicated a violent history. My dad's response? 

"Oh that's right - I forgot you were a man-hater."

It wasn't the words that cut me; it was the tone. It was at once wholly dismissive and casual, yet vicious and angry. All over some f*cking actor he doesn't know much about.

He apologized, but only for the word choice, not for the meaning behind the words.

Those Kinds of Girls

When I was about 12 years old, I was going though a rebellious phase. This meant lots of Anne Sexton poetry, flannel shirts, and awkward, uncertain attempts at trying to establish my individuality. 

One day I was at the mall with my mom, and there was a gaggle of cute, perfect cheerleader types near us. I regarded them disparagingly and said something along the lines of "Ugh, I just don't understand those kinds of girls."

Without missing a beat, my mom looked up at me and said, "Well, those are the kinds of girls that guys marry."

Whore

One day when I was 20, I was driving to hospice with my parents to visit my aunt, who had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I had my headphones in, but I had paused the music, and I overheard my parents talking about one day having grandkids.

My dad said to my mom, "I hope my granddaughter doesn't turn out to be a f*cking whore like her mom." 

I've always tried to forget this, but I can't seem to.

"You're never going to do anything with your life..."

My ex-boyfriend, who I dated for almost five years, told me, "You're never going to do anything with your life except flip burgers at some fast food joint." 

Now I'm in college, getting my degree in cosmetology. I think about his words every day. They motivate me to do my best in all of my classes.