"Look, she's so fat!"

When I was in 7th grade, nobody knew me yet in my new classes. There was this guy who was known for being a douche, yet I still had a crush on him.

One day he and a friend were walking behind me, and I heard him say, "Look, she's so fat!"

A few months later, we were practically best friends in class. He called another girl fat, but I thought he was talking about me. When I asked, he said, "No! Why would I call you fat?" To which I responded, "You actually have before. Ages ago. You said it while you were walking behind me." 

He then spent the next seven minutes completely denying that he ever said this, that he didn't even know who I was at the time.  

That was the first time I that realized how easy it is for people to make comments that may be insignificant to them but everything to you. So insignificant that they don't even remember making them. So insignificant to him, but so scarring and formative for me. 
 

"You may not be the prettiest girls in the world..."

"You may not be the prettiest girls in the world..."

My mother said this to my sister and me at the ripe old ages of nine and ten, during a "heartfelt" conversation. Those words have stuck with me for over 30 years. 

From that moment on, I never believed it when anyone told me I was cute, pretty, beautiful or gorgeous. I believed that all those people were obviously lying, because my mother said differently. 

My mom apologizes to this day, and she insists that her words came out wrong. And I believe her, because she is often removing her foot from her mouth after unintentionally saying something harmful. I've tried to let it go, but those words are so deeply engrained in me that I fear they can't be erased. 

I've purposely tried to tell my children how handsome and beautiful they are, but I think that my negative outlook of myself has rubbed off on them. Neither one of them see their beauty. I HATE that.

"You're raising a pussy."

I went camping with my family a few years ago. My sister brought her new boyfriend, who kept picking on my four-year-old son. When my sister went for a walk with her boyfriend, my parents asked us what we all thought of him. I said that I didn't like him because he was mean to my kid. 

My father looked me square in the face and said, "Well that's not a reason to not like him! You can't protect your son all his life. You're raising a pussy." 

My son was FOUR! I will never forget that. 

Gorilla

When I was about 8, I was hanging out with my friend who was about four years older than I was.

All of a sudden, she looked down and said,  "Oh my God, you look like a f*cking gorilla with those hairy arms!" and broke into hysterical laughter.

I'm 16 now, and so self conscious about it that I won't leave my house without making sure most of my arms are covered.

"There's something wrong with her!"

I had extremely sever acne as a teenager, and eventually I had to go to a dermatologist. 

When my father found out that the insurance would not cover my visit, he yelled at my mom, "Why not? There's something wrong with her!"

I have carried this comment with me for 40 years. 

Low self-esteem, no confidence, and settling for my first real boyfriend were all things I attributed to this one cutting sentence. 

Thanks, Dad.
 

"You're such a poser."

I was never the one to have loads of friends. My group was small, and to everyone else I was just a nobody. Getting likes on social media was always a big deal to me, but I'd only ever get the occasional few on a new Facebook picture. 

One day I posted a new photo and was surprised to see it hit 40 likes, which made me feel super good about myself. 

Then one day a new friend added me on Facebook, and after seeing the picture said, "You're such a poser. The photo looks nothing like you." My heart sank inside. In an instant, my self esteem shot down. 

I know that social media shouldn't mean so much, but it does. The internet is such a big part of our lives now.
 

"Do you ever do anything but eat?"

When I was 12, I went to visit my grandparents' foster daughter for a couple of weeks. She had a kid who was my age, so we played and swam all day. I admit I was a pudgy kid, and looking back, I probably used food as an emotional support. 

A few days before we went home, I wandered through their house, looking for swimmer's ear drops. I saw the mom (my grandparents' foster daughter) watching TV with a bowl of popcorn on her lap, and as I passed by I absently asked for a handful. 

She exploded at me, and said, "Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with you? Do you ever do anything but eat? It's disgusting to watch!" 

I was 12. 

She had known me for less than 2 weeks. 

I will never speak to her again.

Too Weird For Marriage

Growing up, people told me that I was too weird to ever find a guy who would marry me. I was told that I'd have to find a guy who could "tolerate" me, and that I would have to be the one to propose. 

My art teacher in high school told me that the man I'd wind up marrying would probably be a serial killer.
 

"I'd throw a party the next day."

Last year a guy from school told me to hang myself. I asked him if he'd feel bad if I actually did it, and he said, "No. I'd throw a party the next day."

I told him that if I had been depressed that day and if I were a different person, it would have happened. He said, "It would have been worth it."

People need to be careful about what they say. 
 

"You're getting too big for this!"

When I was 7 or 8, my really tall uncle came to visit. Every time he came over, he would pick me and each one of my siblings up, and we would feel like we were on top of the world.

This time, he tried picking me up and said, "Whoa, you're getting too big for this!"

It was an innocent enough comment, but it was the first time I was ever aware of my size, and that I was too large or heavy to do something, even though I was a perfectly normal size for a 7/8 year old. For some reason, it's always stuck with me. 

I can't help but wonder if his comment somehow sparked or contributed to my ever persistent body insecurities.