"Do you eat one of those EVERY DAY?"

/

I'd had a bad morning, so I decided to treat myself to a Little Debbie brownie. I don't do this often (I really don't). I was running late, so I took it to school to eat it there. As soon as I opened the wrapper, one of my friends (or so I thought) asked, "Do you eat one of those EVERY DAY?" with a look of disgust. 

I said, "No, only rarely." Then my friend changed the subject and continued talking to another friend. 

You have no idea how awful, fat, and humiliated that made me feel. I still think about it, and I'll probably never forget it. Thanks for that.
 

Things My Grandma Says

/

"It's good that you'll be walking more, maybe you'll lose weight." 

"Don't you wish we looked like those girls? Don't you wish we were skinny like them?" 

"I don't believe you're a size 9, you look bigger." 

"Your dresses are shorter because you've gained weight" 

"Keep dancing, it's good exercise." 

"It's just trying on clothes, why are you making such a big deal about it?" 

And she wonders why I'm so sensitive about my body and what I wear.

"Are you sure you're not anorexic?"

/

For as long as I can remember, I've always eaten like a horse, yet I never gain weight. 

One day in high school, someone asked me, "Are you sure you're not anorexic?"

This comment took me by surprise, and ever since then I've always thought of myself as "anorexically skinny," even though I know that I am not anorexic and never have been. 

"If your knees were just a little bit smaller, you'd be perfect."

/

I was a sprinter on the track and field team all throughout high school. I was in the best shape of my life, but sometimes I felt self conscious about my legs because they were thicker than the other girls' legs (this was a Catholic school, so having sexy little legs with your rolled up skirt was all the rage). 

Usually when I had these thoughts about my legs, I would quickly brush them aside, assuring myself that I was being ridiculous and that my legs looked good.

But one day in sophomore religion class, I sat down next to the "cool/hot" guy, and he said to me, "You're beautiful, but if your knees were just a little bit smaller, you'd be perfect." 

I immediately told him off after he said that, but six years have gone by and his voice is still in the back of my head every time I go to try on skirts or dresses.

"It's okay; I'm fat too!"

/

When I was 9, I was a little more developed than everyone else. One day in class, I walked past a table of kids and I heard one boy say, "Oh, she's so fat!" 

I confronted them, and soon the teacher came by to see what was going on. At first the kids denied having said anything, but eventually the boy confessed, saying, "It's okay; I'm fat too!" 

As if that made it okay. 

A year later, I changed schools and met my two best friends. I'm fifteen now, and we're still best friends. They don't care how I look, and because of their love and support, neither do I. 

 

"Nobody will ever want you or love you."

/

I have struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life. I started using food to cope, and I ended up gaining about 50 pounds, which only made my depression worse. 

One day, my sister texted me after she'd recently moved out. She knew how I felt about my weight, but she wrote this anyway: "You're a fat piece of shit and nobody will ever want you or love you." 

To this day, I can't get over those words, and I'm not sure I ever will. I have a crush, and every time I think about talking to him or just saying hello, I remember those words and I shut down completely. Anytime I wonder if I'll find love, I think about what my sister said. 
 

Stomach Ache

/

When I was in 3rd grade, I walked in on my mom purging, and she told me, "I have a stomach ache, and I have to get everything out to feel better." 

From that moment on, I started purging whenever I had a stomach ache. For years. 

It took me until I was 25 and finally on the proper medication to realize that I've had an eating disorder my whole life, and it all started when my mother told me a story instead of telling me the truth about her problem.