"Learn how to deal with this"

/

I sent my husband an article about the eating disorder I currently struggle with, thinking he might find it insightful.

We were supposed to go to take my son to see a movie that day and I asked my husband if he was almost ready to go. 

He said he couldn't go anymore because he now had to read the article I sent him so he can "learn how to deal with this," while making a hand motion towards me.

"You could die for all I care"

/

It was my sophomore year in high school. I was a cheerleader, I had the best of friends in the world and my grades were awesome. What could possibly make this year anything less than awesome? How naive I was.

About halfway through the year, my best friend and I got into a huge fight. So bad that it made me contemplate suicide.

When someone tells you, "You could die for all I care," you start to think about things in a different light.

After our falling out, my life starting to change drastically. I started to see myself differently. I hated so many things about myself. I started to notice how big my nose was. How my bottom teeth are crooked. How my stomach isn't flat. How thin and brittle my hair was. I started to pick apart all these things that I hated about myself all of a sudden. All because someone who I thought loved me told me she wouldn't care if I was dead.

I am now 21. That girl and I are no longer friends. And I no longer let what people say about me get to me. Because I love myself and that's all that matters.

"You just aren't the pretty girl"

/

A few years ago, I asked a guy out who I really liked. It was after months of flirting and other more intimate things. It was really hard for me to work up the courage to do it, but I thought that for sure he liked me and would be more than delighted to say yes.

But he never responded. 

I knew he was busy with work so I just shrugged it off, until I found out that he had just recently started dating someone else.

A few months later, I asked him why her and not me?

His response was something I will never forget: "You're a great girl and we have chemistry, but you just aren't the pretty girl I want to be with."

That diminished all my self esteem for a long time.

It wasn't until recently that I had an epiphany: if he was willing to overlook the chemistry and date someone based on looks, it goes to show how little he thought of himself, not me.

I am currently in a relationship, and it is beyond great to know that someone loves me despite my looks. I do sometimes think about the other guy when I feel bad about myself, but I try to stay positive and remember all the good I have in my life.

"What does this remind you of?"

/

When I was in middle school, a few girls who I had grown up with and used to be friends with started being mean to me.

One day around Christmas, we were on the bus on our way home from school. I had bushy and thick eyebrows at the time because of my heritage. One of the girls, who was wearing a fuzzy rimmed Santa hat, came up to me and stared at me for a second, and started pointing at my eyebrows. She then pointed to the rim of the hat and said, "What does this remind you of?"

She immediately started laughing with a few other girls as they exited the bus. 

I was embarrassed and ashamed. I asked my mom to take me to get my brows done. I was still unhappy with the results, and now, at 26 years old, I obsessively style my eyebrows myself.

I have gotten a lot of good compliments about them, but in the back of my mind, they have to be "perfect." 

"Too fat"

/

I was an active fifth grade girl. Average build and outgoing. One day at the pool an older boy told me I was too fat for a bikini.

For the next five years I wore suits that covered my stomach and wouldn't show a lot of skin. I still have self image issues.

It didn't help throughout high school, my "BFF" would tell me that they needed to remodel the school to fit my fat ass. She would tell me to stop eating and poke my stomach.

I look back at my high school pictures and wonder how no one noticed how sickly I looked.

"The family whore"

/

About a month ago I went out to dinner with my mom, brother, grandparents and my grandma's best friend and her husband. I was feeling pretty confident, so I wore a crop top that I thought was cute. When I came out in it, my mom didn't say a thing.

We got to the restaurant and as soon as we sat down my grandpa looked at my mom and said, "That's a little bit inappropriate for your daughter to be wearing, don't you think? I mean we wouldn't want anyone to classify her as the family whore, now would we?"

Instead of defending me, my grandma looked over and said, "A girl her size shouldn't wear such revealing clothes anyway."

I'm 5'6 and 130lbs, but my grandma was never over 100lbs until she was in her 50s, so I'm not up to what she sees as thin.

They didn't mean to hurt me, but I haven't forgotten it.

Every time I pick out something to wear, I think about what they said.

But I was an athlete...

/

In middle school I decided to turn my life around- I lost 25 pounds in 7 months by eating healthy and exercising. I joined cross county and swim team. I was finally confident in my strong, muscular, 125lbs body.

At the first school assembly freshman year, I was elected to give a short presentation on the sports offered by the school. As I stood up to speak in front of the school, one of the boys in my class said, "Fat ass" in a somewhat loud voice. The boys around him busted out laughing. I was so embarrassed that I could barely get through my presentation.

To this day, I still have a problem with my weight because of him. Six years later, I still hear his voice in my head when I look in the mirror.