"Would you rather date her or me?"

When I was in elementary school, my best friend moved away. Four years later, in fourth grade, she finally moved back. I was overjoyed!

But our friendship wasn't the same as it used to be.  She would always tell me she was prettier, better than me, etc. 

One day at lunch, she went up to every boy in the cafeteria, pointed at me, and said things like, "Would you date her?" and, "Would you rather date her or me?" Every single guy said they would rather date her. 

I was only in fourth grade, and my best friend had just become my very first bully. 

"Are you sure you're not anorexic?"

For as long as I can remember, I've always eaten like a horse, yet I never gain weight. 

One day in high school, someone asked me, "Are you sure you're not anorexic?"

This comment took me by surprise, and ever since then I've always thought of myself as "anorexically skinny," even though I know that I am not anorexic and never have been. 

"If your knees were just a little bit smaller, you'd be perfect."

I was a sprinter on the track and field team all throughout high school. I was in the best shape of my life, but sometimes I felt self conscious about my legs because they were thicker than the other girls' legs (this was a Catholic school, so having sexy little legs with your rolled up skirt was all the rage). 

Usually when I had these thoughts about my legs, I would quickly brush them aside, assuring myself that I was being ridiculous and that my legs looked good.

But one day in sophomore religion class, I sat down next to the "cool/hot" guy, and he said to me, "You're beautiful, but if your knees were just a little bit smaller, you'd be perfect." 

I immediately told him off after he said that, but six years have gone by and his voice is still in the back of my head every time I go to try on skirts or dresses.

"Did you always have all those little dots on your face?"

I started attending a spiritual group for a few weeks, and I quickly grew to love it. After the meeting, a bunch of us would go eat at this little restaurant and just have a good time.

An older gentleman, an amazing mad scientist, soon joined. I was totally fascinated by him and I was eager to talk to him one-on-one. 

One day at the restaurant, we ended up sitting next to each other and chatting. All of a sudden he said, "What is that on your face?" 

Confused, I asked him to clarify. 
He replied, "I didn't have my glasses before. Did you always have all those little dots on your face?" 

I was stunned, and I managed a quiet, "Yes." 

I never returned to the group after that. I was plagued with mortifying thoughts of how he could ask that in such a way, as if it wouldn't offend me. 

My skin is clear now, but this still sticks with me. 

"It's okay; I'm fat too!"

When I was 9, I was a little more developed than everyone else. One day in class, I walked past a table of kids and I heard one boy say, "Oh, she's so fat!" 

I confronted them, and soon the teacher came by to see what was going on. At first the kids denied having said anything, but eventually the boy confessed, saying, "It's okay; I'm fat too!" 

As if that made it okay. 

A year later, I changed schools and met my two best friends. I'm fifteen now, and we're still best friends. They don't care how I look, and because of their love and support, neither do I. 

"Is that you?"

I work as a beauty advisor, and one day a former classmate who I didn't know very well happened to stop in. I look different than I did when I was younger. My naturally blond hair is dyed purple, and I have quite a few noticeable piercings and gauged ears. I also no longer wear color-correcting contacts for my rare eye condition called "Heterochromia," which makes my eyes two different colors. 

At first she just kind of stared at me and didn't say much. But once I offered her assistance, she scowled at me and asked, "Is that you? What are you doing as a beauty advisor? Shouldn't you know a thing or two about beauty?" 

This made me feel incompetent at my job, and I even wanted to leave and quit. To this day, I am self conscious about how I appear in public. 
 

"Nobody will ever want you or love you."

I have struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life. I started using food to cope, and I ended up gaining about 50 pounds, which only made my depression worse. 

One day, my sister texted me after she'd recently moved out. She knew how I felt about my weight, but she wrote this anyway: "You're a fat piece of shit and nobody will ever want you or love you." 

To this day, I can't get over those words, and I'm not sure I ever will. I have a crush, and every time I think about talking to him or just saying hello, I remember those words and I shut down completely. Anytime I wonder if I'll find love, I think about what my sister said. 
 

Stomach Ache

When I was in 3rd grade, I walked in on my mom purging, and she told me, "I have a stomach ache, and I have to get everything out to feel better." 

From that moment on, I started purging whenever I had a stomach ache. For years. 

It took me until I was 25 and finally on the proper medication to realize that I've had an eating disorder my whole life, and it all started when my mother told me a story instead of telling me the truth about her problem.

"You're f*cking disgusting."

One day on my way to school when I was eight years old, I was cornered by a very large 6th grader and his friends. He pushed me up against a brick wall, lifted my shirt, and squeezed my chubby stomach and little fleshy "man boobs." 

He said, "You're so fat. You're f*ckin' disgusting."

As my shirt dropped and the tears started, he wiped his hands on the front of my shirt. 

What stuck with me wasn't necessarily what he said; it was the look he gave when he wiped his hands on my shirt, and the laughs of his friends. 

The absolute humiliation I felt and the sudden awareness that I was "fat and disgusting" is something that has haunted my up until this day. I became a closet, compulsive eater and had bulimic tendencies. I topped out in 2007 at over 520 pounds. 

And even to this day, after a 300+ pound weight loss, I still hear his voice and see his face. Even though I have some recovery under my belt now, I still can't talk to people because I still think I'm disgusting, and don't want to burden them.
 

"All that sugar is making you fat."

I've been addicted to coffee since I was 15, and I drink it all the time. One time when I was out with my father, I put sugar in my coffee, and he looked at me and said, "All that sugar is making you fat."

He has made several offhanded comments about my weight in the past (although the doctor says I'm healthy for someone my height and age), but this is the comment that stuck with me. 

I completely stopped drinking coffee for a while. Now I drink it straight up black because I have a fear of gaining weight.