"Do you ever do anything but eat?"

When I was 12, I went to visit my grandparents' foster daughter for a couple of weeks. She had a kid who was my age, so we played and swam all day. I admit I was a pudgy kid, and looking back, I probably used food as an emotional support. 

A few days before we went home, I wandered through their house, looking for swimmer's ear drops. I saw the mom (my grandparents' foster daughter) watching TV with a bowl of popcorn on her lap, and as I passed by I absently asked for a handful. 

She exploded at me, and said, "Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with you? Do you ever do anything but eat? It's disgusting to watch!" 

I was 12. 

She had known me for less than 2 weeks. 

I will never speak to her again.

"It's either him, or being alone forever."

Growing up, my mom and I would argue about my weight all the time. She would tell me things like, "No one could ever love a fat ass like you," or, "You'll end up alone if you don't lose weight."

When I was a freshman, a senior guy who I met in band developed a crush on me. My mom was so excited, and I'm pretty sure that she was the one who fell in love with him. 

She was pretty insistent that I give him a chance, even though I wasn't very comfortable with the idea because he creeped me out. She said, "He's the only man that's ever going to be interested in you. It's either him, or being alone forever." I didn't want to be alone, so I settled. We started dating. I graduated three years later, and we got married that summer. 

We were married for three years, and my depression got worse every single day. He was unsupportive and expected me to do everything, even though I often worked longer hours than he did. He decided that smoking weed and passing out on the couch was more important than pulling his weight. I never enjoyed sex, and I faked orgasms for six years. 

I finally got up the courage to ask for a divorce. He did not take it very well. He blamed all of our issues on me. When I told my mom about the divorce, she went insane. She told me that I would die alone if I went through with it. 

Fast forward to now: I've started dating the most amazing man who appreciates everything I do for him, but never expects it. I'm actually happy for once in my life. I've been happy for nearly a year now. 

Now I'm proving my mother wrong, every single day.
 

"You're getting too big for this!"

When I was 7 or 8, my really tall uncle came to visit. Every time he came over, he would pick me and each one of my siblings up, and we would feel like we were on top of the world.

This time, he tried picking me up and said, "Whoa, you're getting too big for this!"

It was an innocent enough comment, but it was the first time I was ever aware of my size, and that I was too large or heavy to do something, even though I was a perfectly normal size for a 7/8 year old. For some reason, it's always stuck with me. 

I can't help but wonder if his comment somehow sparked or contributed to my ever persistent body insecurities.
 

"I don't know what you expected, wearing that dress."

I went to a family friend's birthday cocktail party with my parents a few years ago. I was wearing a full length, summery black dress, and since it was pretty revealing in the bust, I wore a camisole underneath to cover up as much cleavage as possible. 

While at the party, the family friend's uncle drunkenly sauntered over to me and started making gross comments about how attractive I was. Trying to get rid of him, I started talking about my parents, and he LEERED at me (like, actually leered...it was surreal), saying, "Oh you're HER daughter? You're much more attractive...like your mom is NOT hot," and waggled his eyebrows at me. I was so disgusted, I think I just turned around and left. 

Afterwards, I told my parents about it and how creeped out and uncomfortable I was with the whole situation. My dad then said, "I don't know what you expected, wearing that dress." I was stunned. 

I told him I thought that was pretty unfair since A) I covered up and cannot help my chest size, which is unavoidably, proudly prominent no matter what and B) it would have been perfectly easy for Pervy McPerv to NOT be disgusting, and I am not going to be shamed for my body because some lush forty years my senior can't handle mixing his booze with his boner pills.THAT'S what you have to say to me after HE was totally nasty about Mom?!?! Also I JUST WANTED SOME GODDAMN PUNCH, NOT A REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE MEMORY THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM COVERED IN SLIME! 

Well. I said the first part.

My dad never apologized for that comment. I am still furious about it. I don't think he even remembers it.

Ugh.
 

"You're not depressed."

One night last year, after I had been self harming for months, I came out of the shower to find my mum staring at my arms and legs. 

She hit me and shouted, "You're not depressed. You're an attention seeking wee bitch." 

That hurt so much, because I really needed professional help at that point in my life. 

Emotions Are Valid

My ex-boyfriend once called me a "cry baby" for being too worried about school, my family, my appearance, etc. 

The next time I cried in front of him was five months later, when I dumped him.
 

Ugly Cow

I was always very self confident. Up through my childhood and teenage years, I never really worried about my body. I loved myself, and I never quite understood those that didn't.

My best friend asked me to be her maid of honor during my freshman year of college. I said yes, and when the wedding weekend arrived, I was so excited I could barely contain myself. 

It wasn't the fun weekend I had anticipated though, because my friend started screaming and throwing tantrums about every little detail. I started to get frustrated, but I tried to be patient. I kept telling myself that getting married is an emotional time, and as soon as ceremony was over, she would be fine.

The time came for everyone to get dressed. I will never forget her yelling at me, "God, can you put some spandex on or something? That dress makes you look so freaking chubby. And put some concealer on your arms, and maybe some more on your face. It's bad. This is MY wedding and I don't want to look back and have an ugly cow in my pictures!"

I haven't talked to her since that day, and even though its been years, I still struggle with an eating disorder and constant self doubt. I loved her, and she was my best friend. I can't help but think maybe what she told me was right. Maybe I am just an ugly cow.
 

"It wouldn't hurt if you lost a little weight."

When I was a freshman in high school, I dated a boy on the football team. I never really cared about my weight or the way I looked until one day he told me, "It wouldn't hurt if you lost a little weight." 

I lost 40lbs that year, and I still struggle with my weight to this day, as a senior in high school. 

My new boyfriend tries to tell me I'm beautiful the way I am. I want to believe him, but I can't ever see myself as beautiful.
 

"Those shorts are too short."

When I was 9, I was in a Dollar Tree with my mother. She left me alone in the makeup section to browse. Behind me there was a couple in their late 20s. I was minding my own business, when out of nowhere my mother pulled me away and said, "That man was staring at your ass."

This was the very first time that anything like this had ever happened to me, and I thought it was gross. 

However, what got me more upset was when my mom said, "You shouldn't wear shorts that short anymore." 

Victim blaming much, mom? My skin exposure shouldn't be an excuse for anyone to ogle at me. 

To this day, I am sometimes still ashamed to show too much skin, because no matter what I chose to do with my body, I remember that someone will see it as an invite to do what they please.  Whenever I wear shorts, those words ring in my head. 

I will never slut shame my future daughter, and even more importantly, my son will learn how to act politely and respectfully to women.
 

"You definitely look sick."

A few years ago I developed a crush on this guy in my acting class. I never cared about how I looked in class before the crush, but one day I decided to wear makeup and dress up a little. It was early summer, and I guess the foundation shade I'd had all year was now a little lighter than my newly tanned skin tone. 

I got to class with my makeup on and I mentioned that I was feeling tired that day. My crush looked at my face and said, "Yeah, you definitely look sick. You're paler than usual."

He absolutely wasn't trying to be mean. It just made me sad.